Ae Dil Tu Kyon Hai Mushkil? (Heart, why are you so hard/difficult?) …

I have taken the title of Karan Johar’s latest blockbuster “Ae Dil Hai Mushkil” and added my own twist on it for the nature of this next blog post. Those words (ADHM) translate to “The heart is hard/difficult” and my words simply say “Heart, why are you so hard/difficult?”.

I was really looking forward to the release of this one Bollywood movie, mainly because the director said that the movie wasn’t a love story, but about love - and also because any movie of Karan Johar’s is worth a watch (being one of India’s finest directors). And if there is one thing that I am certain of in life, is that everything that gives any one of us any form of happiness lyes in this one word: love. The love for who we are, the love for what we do, and the love we give and receive. Happiness comes directly from being loved and giving love.

The movie - in my opinion - was good in parts, and I can see why it will do well (and latest box office results tell me it is doing well). What I DID NOT like in the slightest was (but truth be told it was fully expected) [SPOILER ALERT] the way the movie ended. Did the director really have to put such a twist at the end that made you realise that it didn’t matter [SPOILER ALERT] that the heroine was not reciprocating the hero’s love because, as life would have it, they couldn’t be together anyway due to her having terminal cancer! What else was I expecting out of a Bollywood drama?!?

**Arrrrrgghhhh** was my reaction to this. [MORE SPOILER ALERTS) Why not just let the story remain as it was, that the heroine did not reciprocate the hero's feelings?! The heroine loved the hero, but not in the way he desired her too. Ranbir Kapoor is one of India’s finest actors, and he really did a fabulous job in the role of “Ayan” but sometimes I felt his reaction towards Anushka Sharma’s “Alizeh” - for not being attracted to him in a romantic way - was selfish and borderline abusive!

The concept of love or attraction in my opinion is that love does not fit in the labels that man has given them of “friend” all the way to “lover”. There is so much grayscale and variations in between these labels that each of our relationships (friends and then to actual partners) is going to vary. Hence why comparing relationships and people is pointless!

Personally I struggle to give the names #bestfriend or #bestie to anyone in my life, yet sometimes I do this to let them know of their value to me. But why am I even doing this? (Hmmmmm, this is something for me to think about) … Sometimes I even label with the word #soulmate because to me the label of soulmate isn’t reserved for a romantic partner. In fact if you are a ‘good’ friend in my life you are that. A soul-mate. It is dawning on me that I don’t like this and for that reason - I have suddenly decided - that I will never use these specific tags/labels again for any person in my life. Because if you mean anything to me you should know it from my actions towards you, anyways, back to topic!

The love that was depicted in the movie was of course about romantic love. Later on in the movie, as it is shown, you will understand that both main characters do love each other. Yet one wants a physical relationship, the other doesn’t. The one who wants the platonic (another label, but one that helps you to understand the nature of that connection) relationship wants to maintain their level of closeness, but the one who want’s the romantic relationship, can’t now because it ‘hurts too much’ knowing that he can't get what he wanted!

What kills any kind of relationship is the big word: **EXPECTATIONS**. Being ‘rejected’ (because that’s how it feels when someone doesn’t reciprocate your feelings back to you) isn’t a great feeling. Yes it’s understandable - and relatable. BUT if you can look at this from another angle it really can help you to realise that loving someone who doesn’t love you back - in the way you want - isn’t a rejection of you but simply their truth in the way that they feel.

**YOUR truth is that you love them**. Okay. Feel that, and then work from there. Don’t sit and dwell on why the other person doesn’t ‘love’ you back in the way you want (or even worse try and pay games in getting them to love you!). Each and everyone of us has such depths to ’being human’ that there is a lot more going on within us that others can’t even see on the surface. If you know that about yourself, also know that others are in the same boat.

The reality of the situation at this point should be, ’**how do I now behave towards myself and the other in such a way that isn’t disrespecting - firstly - to myself or them**. Sometimes it’s acknowledging that you need time away from them. Ok, do that. But if you can’t communicate this to the other person, all you can do is live your truth at this point. If any kind of love is true between you both, the other person will understand.

The time away can help you to also realise if you want this person in your life or not, knowing they feel differently about you. Don’t just ‘shut the door’ because you are expecting something out of doing this action. Shut it because it feels right out of love for the other and yourself. If you shut it out of expectation of a certain reaction then that is just you playing games, and ‘expecting’ a certain reaction. Communicate that you need this time away, and that you’ll be in touch. Also understand exactly what you are saying and doing with whatever words you use.

**Stop creating stories in your head** What is in-front of you is the reality of the situation. Only work with that, not a story that you generate in your head, i.e. ‘no one loves me!” (Oh please, victimhood is the least attractive quality in anyone!)

As I am writing this I also realise that we do need these “love” defining labels to help us understand what the relationship is. However if you happen to meet someone who you struggle to place in a tag or label, then guess what, don’t try to tag/label them. Feel the emotions, the connection and the presence of that relationship to you. And also be clear to the other person about this. Communication is really key!

And if you can get to an acknowledgement that being attracted to someone who isn’t attracted to you is OK - and you also do not need to get angry about this - and rejoice in the fact that you met someone who makes you feel such an incredible emotion - then I think you have come along way of truly **understanding unconditional love**. And trust me when I say this (no matter how hard it might be at this moment in time) someday you will meet someone who resonates that same vibration back to you, but until then simply love love love, without so much expectation. It truly is one of the greatest feelings in the world!

Now if only in the movie Ayan was able to rejoice in the fact he was able to feel such love towards someone, both Ayan and Alizeh could have enjoyed depths to their relationship that was a special bond between them. Yet I guess Bollywood wouldn’t be Bollywood if it wasn’t for the unnecessary dramas, right?!

Anyways, so - in my opinion - apart from the dramatised ending, it was a good movie (the comic scenes between the leads was hilarious, and shows what great actors they are) with a fabulous soundtrack!

But in reality - when it comes to experiencing affection towards another - I feel that if you can simply drop the games and expectations in your life that don’t need to be there, and go and feel the depths of connections that you feel to those around you (whether it’s romantic or not) then you will truly live.

Also in my view LOVE is an amazing feeling that does maybe make you feel and act crazy and stupid, but if you can accept that it is one of the most beautiful feelings you can experience as a human, without holding so much expectation from another, then you are really on the way to understanding what unconditional love is. I'm definitely not there yet, but I know I am on that journey.